i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
