Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
