If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
