is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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