he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
