Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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