In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
