what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
