I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
