Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
