Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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