Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
