she was so not down for the gang bang
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
