she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
