I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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