how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
