just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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