im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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