Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
