woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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