I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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