Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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