well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize