TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize