well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
