Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
