okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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