i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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