I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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