If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
