Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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