I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
