yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
