grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
