is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
