Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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