When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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