It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
