i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
