The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
