Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
