My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
