Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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