you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
