i would punch a child for taco bell
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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