dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
