I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
