I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
