Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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