This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
