i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
