I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
