Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
