So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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