life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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