I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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