I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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