Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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