I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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