Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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