If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
