Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
