Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
