they need to just BURY HIM!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
