At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
