oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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