god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
