So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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