I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
