she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
