you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
