She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
