I can tuck mytits in my pants
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
